The Muse hasn’t left the building. She seems to be stalling though, as if trying to figure out what the next move will be. It’s really okay. There are times when all I want is to be surrounded by people, to feel part of something big. I know I tend to overdo things, it’s one of those things I’ve learned to accept about myself. I don’t particularly like it, but it’s part of who I am so I embrace it.
Inspiration comes in and out of my life like rolling waves. There are times when I’m wishing to go the extra mile to support someone’s dream, to collaborate, to let myself and others be known. And there are times when I seek to be quiet, unknown, silent with my thoughts. It’s what makes me happy, so I know it isn’t something to be alarmed about. It’s simply me, acting on what feels right at the moment, wanting to spend a little time with myself.
At times like these, I begin to question why I take on big challenges and big commitments. Are they as rewarding as they seemed to be at first? Does it pay off in any way?
The Miami Beach Gazette was one of those decisions, taken at a moment when the waves were coming in so strong that it was impossible not to go for a swim. It was done more for the sake of helping others rather than myself. So many creative souls out there! So many friends that need exposure because they’re contributing to the betterment of humanity. But I wasn’t planning ahead. I really wasn’t counting on the low-tide, when the shoreline draws back and we have to walk the distance to get our feet wet. What then? How am I to commit to a quarterly e-zine when I barely have the willpower to sit down to write a short story? What about my novels? Yes, plural. One I finished and one I left halfway done. Why did I want to write a novel when I could have written another dozen short stories? Why the big challenge?
Life seems to be a constant search for balance. The problem is that “balance” is an ever-changing finish line. Maybe that’s why spiritual teachers tell us to live in the moment. Focus on what feels good at the moment and do that. Don’t be afraid to change your mind and chase other dreams. But then, why do I feel so guilty about leaving things halfway done? Could it be that we’ve been programmed to follow one path in our lives until we’ve reached a certain level of success? I don’t know. I can’t be sure. All I know is this.
I will continue with the e-zine because we all know that when there’s a full moon the tide rises. I will leave the novels aside for a while and will focus on writing short stories instead. They’re not big commitments, they represent no pressure, but they can be extremely satisfying. I will also continue to practice piano every day. This is good news for me. For the longest time I was disassociating myself from the person I was years ago, and now I’m reconnecting with those chapters of my life and bringing them into my present self.
My current writing energy seems to be stalling, but by no means does it mean the fire has died. At the moment I’m very busy with my music education career. I’m investing a lot of time into it because it’s a worthy cause and the circumstances are right to take giant steps and guarantee progress. It’s another passion of mine and one I know I’m well-equipped to take on, so why not?
A few months ago, while in meditation, I received a message that didn’t make much sense at the time. I wrote it down and placed it on my small bulletin board above my desk. I’ll end this blog post with that message as it might help you as much as it has helped me.
Practice as if you were going on a concert tour tomorrow.
Write as if you had a book contract already signed